Sophia Farting
by HermioneGHP4
Summary: Sophia is farting uncontollable. She has to have emergency surgery. But something goes wrong.
1. Authors Note

To let everyone know I started this story back in 2002 on a yahoo message group. I have been waiting years for **FANFICTION NET** to put a **GOLDEN GIRLS** group on their site. They finally did and I downloaded it just as I was able to copy it from the group to Microsoft word and I published it without spell checking.

I promise you my loyal fans that the later chapters and the **REST** of my **GOLDEN GIRLS** stories will be **SPELLCHECKED** and **LINED UP** a lot better.


	2. The Discovery

"Ma what are you doing?" Dorothy asked Sophia as she walked into the family room from the kitchen. Dorothy is carrying a cup of coffee.

"What does it look like I'm sitting here farting." Sophie wisecracked as she farted loudly.

"MA!" Dorothy said shocked. "I can't believe you just did that. I thought you were being sarcastic." She couldn't' believe her own mother would actually fart in public.

"What is that sweet smell? Are you cooking Sophia?" Rose asked as she came from the nil.

"You could say that. Yea you could say that." Sophia said in an undertone. She farted loudly again.

"MA! Either stop it or go to the bathroom." Dorothy said irrigated.

"Why does Sophia have to go to the bathroom? Does she have to go?" Rose asked innocently as she sat down next to Sophia.

Sophia farted again. "Maybe I will go to the bathroom. Sorry about the noise." She got up and turned her butt to face Rose's face and let out a loud smelling fart.

"So that's well that sweet smelling smell came from." Rose said as she took a whiff of Sophia's fart.

Sophia turned around and Dorothy looked over at Rose. They both had an incredible look on their faces.

"Is she for real."? Sophia asked to no one in particle and turned back around and farted once again in Rose's face and than she walked out of the family room toward the bathroom.

"Oh Chuck. Don't do that." Blance looking around "at least not out here in public. Wait till we get inside the house." Tapping Chuck's nose seducing "It'll be worth the wait I promise."

"Oh Blance hurry and open the door before I forget myself and pull down my pants and draws and get at you." Chuck moaned.

Blance "You sly devil." Feeling her nipples harded. She put her key in the lock "It will be soon very soon now my darling." She opens the door.

FAR-R-R-R-R-R-R-T

Chuck and Balance's faces turned beet red.

FAR-R-R-R-R-R-R-T

"Uhmm on second hand Blance I'll see you later." Chuck said and he turned and left.

Blance shut the door but not before she heard Chuck start laughing uncollatable.

FAR-R-R-R-R-R-T

"What on earth is making that sound." Blance asked Dorothy and Rose who were sitting on the couch.

"Just Ma. She is having an digestive problem today." Dorothy said.

FAR-R-R-R-R-T

"I can hear that. But does she have to be so loud? Where is she anyway?" Blance asked as she sat down next to Rose.

"In her bathroom. Why don't we go out on the nil until Ma is fastened." Dorothy said.

"Why what is so wrong with being in here?" Rose asked innocently.

FAR-R-R-R-T

"Rose; girl are you so stupid?" Blance said incredible.

Rose nodded her head.

FAR-R-R-R-R-T

"Dorothy! I need to go to the hospital!" Sophie said as she walked out of the bathroom still farting.

"Ma! What is it? What is wrong?" Dorothy asked concernedly as she jumped up.

Sophie said as she was farting "It is just I am farting so much

today and now it won't stop. Something is wrong. I have to see a doctor about this." She walked to the front door and had her back to all three of the women and let out a long loud sweet smelling fart that vibrated off the walls.

"You are right Ma. Girls are coming also?" Dorothy turned to her

three friends.

Rose and Blance nodded and jumped up and all four of them left and got into Rose's car to go to the hospital.

F-A-R-R-R-T

Dorothy drives like a crazy woman to get her Ma to the hospital.

"Dorothy I think I should have driven. You are a nervous wreck you are in continued to drive." Blance said nervously in the back seat as she and Rose untangled themselves from being pushed to get together from the last sharp turn.

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"Dorothy it is starting to hurt very bad." Sophia moaned.

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Dorothy didn't say anything she turned sharply in the emergency turn off to the hospital. She stopped the car and leaped out and yelled "HELP MY MA CAN'T STOP FARTING."

The two doctors one an elder and the other and first year resident had a shock look on their faces. The first year resident started laughing.

The elder doctor "Dr. Noah stop that this insistent. That is not professional and it is uncalled for."

Doctor Noah stopped laughing suddenly "I'm sorry Dr. Peterson. It won't happen again."

They both rush over to Sophia's side and opened the door.

F-A-R-R-R-R-T

They both got a good riff of Sophie's loud sweet smelling fart.

"Get a wheelchair Dr. Noah." Dr. Peterson commanded.

Dr. Noah rushed to the nearest wheelchair. He rushed over with it. He helped Dr. Peterson help Sophia out of the car and into the wheelchair.

F-A-R-R-R-R-R-T

Dr. Noah took the wheelchair in his hands and pushed Sophia to the E.R.'s sliding door with Dr. Peterson right behind him.

Blance took the keys form Dorothy's suddenly lifeless hands and moved to the driver's side.

Rose took Dorothy's hand and they walked into the E.R.


	3. The ER

Once in the E.R. the two doctors wheeled Sophia into a room to examine her.

Dorothy walked over to the nurse's desk and stared dumbly at the nurse.

"Name of patient?" the nurse said in a monotone.

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The nurse almost busts out laughing. But she knew her job.

Blance stepped next to Dorothy. "Sophia Pettibonllo."

"Age?" The nurse said.

"82" Blance said.

"Height?" nurse said.

"5'4 1/2" Blance replied.

"Weight?" Nurse asked.

"115" Dorothy said.

"Insurance card?" Nurse asked.

Dorothy got out Sophia's insurance card and handed the nurse the card.

The nurse wrote down the information and handed the card back.

"Illminent?" Nursed asked.

"Unstoppable farting; pain." Dorothy said worriedly as she stared off into space.

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"If you three will take a seat over there the doctor will be with you soon." the nurse said as she pointed to chair's ahead of her.

The three women slowly walked over and sat down.

Dorothy stared off into space as she worried about her mother. _Ma oh Ma. What's happing? This has never happened before._

F-A-R-R-R-R-T

"What stinks in here nana?" a boy of six asked his grandmother as he plugged his nose from the smell of Sophia's fart.

"Just a fart sweetly. Please don't speak so loudly, especially on such a delicate matter. If you have any questions that you know that are going to be embarrassing just whisper in my ear ok." The grandmother said softly looking down at her grandson.

"Ok nana. I didn't mean to be rude." the boy said in a soft voice but Dorothy still heard him.

"That's all right young man. You are only six after all. What is you name?" Dorothy asked looking kindly at the boy and his grandmother.

F-A-R-R-R-T

"Collins Peter Worthington. And this is my Nana." Collins said with a smile at Dorothy, Blance and Rose.

F-A-R-R-R-T

Dr. Noah and Dr. Peterson looked briefly at each other over Sophia's head. They looked instatianly back down at Sophia.

"Mrs. Pettibonea we will have to operate. We have to get inside you urine and see why you are ..." Dr. Peterson began.

F-A-R-R-R-R-T

"... Farting and bleeding. We must begin right away. Dr. Noah please tells the family." Dr. Peterson looked at the nurse and the nurse went to the phone on the wall.

"Yes we will need an gurney and some orderlies." the nurse said before hanging up the phone.

F-A-R-R-R-R-T

Dr. Noah left the room to tell Dorothy, Blance and Rose.

"Mrs. Pertillo must undergo surgery." Dr. Noah said gravelly to the three anxious women in the waiting room.

"Oh my God will my mother be all right?" Dorothy asked breathlessly cluncing her heart.

Rose put her hand to her mouth shocked and Blance closed her eyes in prayer.

"I must be honest this is the first time that we have had someone come in with this problem..." Dr. Noah said.

F-A-R-R-R-R-R-T

"But we know that the only way that we can locate the problem we must operate on Mrs. Pertillo." Dr. Noah turned his head toward the room just as Sophia let out another fart.

F-A-R-R-T

"I must get back in there and help Dr. Peterson." Dr. Noah said as he turned and walked quickly back to the room leaving the three women very shocked and scared.


	4. The Operation

After putting Sophia to sleep Dr. Peterson started to cut her open with Dr. Noah handing him his surgery tools. As soon as Dr. Peterson cut open Sophia's bladder the loudest fart whistled out causing the walls and door to shake.

"MA!" Dorothy cried out as she saw the door and wall shake from her mother's room.

"She's all right. The doctors are just getting the gas out of her is all." Blance said as she took her best friend's hand in hers and shook it slightly.

Rose looked first at the wall and door and than back at Dorothy and gently took her best friends other hand into her hand and softly strokes the hand.

Dorothy unknowing gripped her two best friends hands so hard that the two women felt like their hands were breaking.

"Almost done Dr. Peterson?" The nurse asked as she watched Dr. Peterson start to stitch up Sophia's bladder.

"Yes." Dr. Peterson commented as he concerned on getting the stitches in a neat roll.

Dr. Noah handed Dr. Peterson the badges and together with the help of nurse they wrapped Sophia up.

"Go tell the family." Dr. Peterson said as he took his mask off.

The nurse went to the door.

The three women stood up together still holding hands when the door opened and out walked the nurse.

"You may go in there now. Your mother won't wake up for several hours yet." The nurse said to Dorothy.

Dorothy brought her hands along with Rose and Balance's to her chest and she closed her eyes and said "Thank you God." Still holding her best friends hands she walked into her mother's room.

"Oh God Ma ..." Dorothy cried softly at the sight of her mother uncounicess in the hospital bed. She held tightly to Balance and Rose's hands as they walked to the side of Sophia's bed.

"She looks so small." Rose said softly with tears running down her cheeks.

"So fragile." Blance whispered.

Dorothy let the women's hands go and she sat in the only chair that was beside the bed. She reached out and took hold of her mother's hand and held it between her own and waited for Sophia to wake up.

Rose and Blance went and sat in the two chairs that were closets to the door and watched Dorothy.

Several hours passed and no one had moved.

Sophia slowly opened her eyes. "Dorothy ... well am I?"

"Ma you are all right." Dorothy cried. She leaned over and kissed her mother repeating on the cheek and forehead. She sobbed into her mother's neck before she pulled away.

"Of course I'm all right. Why shouldn't I be?" Sophia asked shocked.

"You are in hospital Sophia." Blance stood up and walked over to the bed. "You had to have emergency surgery." Rose followed Blance.

"Yes for my unstoppable farting." Sophia said with a nod. "Well I don't hear anything so I guess they stopped it huh."

The three women nodded their heads.

"Well time to go home than." Sophia pulled the blankets aside and started to get out of bed.

"Ma! Stay there you can't leave it we have to have the doctor check you out and see what he says." Dorothy stood up quickly and pushed her mother gently back toward the bed and covered her back up.

"I'll go get the doctor." Rose said and left the room.


	5. Author's Note

I want to say thanks to every one of my reviewers. Especially the ones who feel like they needed to type that I ruined the _Golden Girls_ and that I don't belong on **Fan Fiction Net**. That just means that you at least clicked into my story and read some of it for you to spew your own garabage. Well all I have to say is that I don't mind the garabage that you spew on the review list because quite frankly people so far I have laughed my butt off on what you have written.

So yes people I'll contiune this story and contiune to piss you people off as long as you contiune leaving the comments you leave. It's a two way street people.

Like I said I started this story a long time ago on a yahoo message group and I was just laughing my butt off while I wrote and I have gotten some interesting comments about my sense of humor and I was waiting for FF to give us a _Golden Girls_ category so I could post the story.

HermioneHP4


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